You can be “Your Best You”, even while going through a divorce. The reality is that you must divide both your assets as well as your debts in order to complete the divorce process. Prolonging or arguing over this will not get you any closer to completion. It’s much less draining and painful to complete this part of the process quickly rather than drag it out.

There are several ways to approach the division of personal property. One way is to simply make alternate picks, similar to doing a football draft until all the possessions are claimed. Flip a coin to determine who begins the process.

Another method is to have each spouse make their own inventory of household items and prioritize their list. There will be items that you both want, put those on a separate list and do the alternate selection process. The items in which you cannot agree, come back to later after you have completed your lists of agreed upon items.

A silent auction is another method of division by creating a master list of all your personal property. Each party blindly puts a dollar value next to each item. The high bid takes the item at the value listed. Each side totals their items and the the person with the highest total pays the difference to the other party.

Be realistic about the items you will really use, and don’t allow bitterness to get the best of you. You may love the leather sectional or grand piano you paid a small fortune for, but it simply won’t fit in your new apartment. Accept this, “grieve the loss”, and remember the good times you were able to enjoy with it. If your ex doesn’t want it, it will need to be sold. Be prepared to accept the fact that it may have dropped dramatically in value and be worth a fraction of what you paid for it. Don’t confuse the sentimental value of your personal property with its actual cash value, which will most likely be far less than anticipated. And remember, they are just “things”.

Be positive and remember that you are starting a new chapter in your life! As you let go of anger, resentment and blame, you will be much better equipped to move forward into healthy relationships, confident parenting, and a positive future. Since you will likely continue to have a relationship with your ex because of your children, it’s better for them and for you to learn effective and practical ways of communicating verses reactionary and emotionally charged responses. Look forward; don’t look back. Let these things go and keep your perspective on what is really important.

Still stuck? Aura can assist you in this process, and even motivate you with practical, hands-on help to get you through this painful but necessary process, while empowering you to move forward into your new life and household!

But what really needs to happen is to eliminate items you don’t use and reorganize what you do use instead of adding more places to store useless stuff! It clutters up your life and weighs you down!

Everything you own should have a purpose. If it doesn’t, send it on to where it can. In doing this, you will usually find that you have more than enough storage and more time to have some fun.

So, let’s get practical. As you go through storage spaces, such as linen closets, pull everything out of the space, clean it, and then carefully look at each item before putting it back. Do you really need six sets of sheets for each bed? I say, an emphatic, no! Better to have one fabulous set of sheets, such as a luxurious Egyptian cotton, than to have several that are faded, pilled, threadbare, no longer match the room’s décor, or no longer fit the bed. (This is a common problem as mattresses have become fuller and thicker).

How about other problem areas, such as kitchens? Only tackle one drawer or cabinet at a time. Go through the same process of taking everything out, cleaning the space, then evaluating each item before putting it back into the cabinet. While going through this process, list the items to replace, such as necessary cooking utensils, expired spices, broken dishes or needed pan sizes. Once you have eliminated anything that doesn’t currently meet your needs or lifestyle, you have now saved yourself some valuable storage space. Only fill this space with exactly what is necessary. Resist the temptation to save items you think you may need “someday.” It is a waste.

Why do we feel the need to have so much stuff? Sometimes it is a message in our head of guilt about throwing something away, or a belief that if something has any life left in it, it must be saved and stored. We can get tricked into a belief that it is frivolous to spend money on a specific item when you can get a similar item less expensively. “Sale” is a relative term. A true bargain is purchasing the exact right thing that fits your purposes in how you are living today. False beliefs keep us enslaved to our stuff. Eliminating is healthy. The more you practice it, the easier it gets.

Instead of adding more, reduce what you already have. You will enjoy using the things you keep in your storage spaces and will also find that you have plenty of storage space left over.

Still overwhelmed? We can help. Contact us today!

When coaching my back-to-dating clients, I usually hear about their goal of “finding the perfect match” or lamenting their disastrous Internet Dating connections. The focus is much the same, looking for the “perfect” mate… Many clients have the mindset of looking for just the right person, who is out there somewhere, who will meet all of their needs and desires. May I quickly say, “ this person DOES NOT exist”? You are not a perfect person, so of course there is no perfect person just waiting for you to come along! This may sound harsh, but if you really want to find true love, I encourage you to throw out your old ways of thinking about dating and searching for love. Let’s turn your thinking inside out…

My dating philosophy is to focus on becoming “Your Best You”- in every aspect of your life. And by working on becoming your best, you will then naturally attract great people to you!

Let me illustrate how this can happen. Part of becoming a better person, is learning to be a good listener, a more involved and compassionate person, and someone who seeks out others and doesn’t wait for others to come to them. It’s the “taking your eyes off yourself” and “giving to others” component that will revolutionize your dating life.

Create new habits that will make you a more interesting person and will bring you into new circles of friends. Start by creating a new community for yourself. Throw a mini party, and have each person bring a friend. Volunteer your time to a person or an organization that could use your help. Take a public speaking class. Give to your local community.

Initiate something! Join or start a group…any group…what are you interested in? Swing dancing? Magic? Bike riding? Classic movies? Bull Dogs? Thai Cooking? The key to these groups is that they should be active and moving. Sedentary groups won’t have changeover. You want to be meeting lots of interesting new people. Join the literal Social Network!

Blaming and feeling sorry for yourself will keep you stuck. Relationships are built from going outside yourself, not focusing inward.

Still stuck? Let Aura guide you through the dating process!

1. Doormat. It’s the first thing seen when arriving to your home. Doormats are often faded, too small, damaged, worn, “cutesy,” or simply inefficient in trapping dirt and water. Get one that is simple, attractive, and functional. It will give you a good feeling as you step over the threshold and send a warm message to visitors.

2. Lamps. Instead of keeping over sized hand-me-downs, broken-downs, or nothing at all, new lamps will give those dark corners a lift and add style that is uniquely you.

3. Plants. The purpose of indoor plants is to give life to an environment. Therefore once they become leggy, scrawny, or browned-out, it’s time to replace these living decorations.

4. Dish Towels and Potholders. These are an inexpensive way to give you more “joy of cooking.” Even though most people have dozens of dish towels and potholders, they often overlook tossing them when they become stained, torn, or burned.

5. Bath Towels. Again, there is no lack of these in most homes, but they are often mismatched, threadbare, bleached, or just plain tired looking. Fresh towels in beautiful, rich colors add an instant splash to bathrooms. They can create a spa-like environment and make you feel luxurious.

6. Drinking Glasses. Often cracked and mismatched, glasses of any size can be easily updated. Buy a few extra in your favorite size, to anticipate breaking.

7. Artwork. If your existing artwork is too small, hung too high, faded or outdated, this is a great time to add instant style and color to your walls.

8. Pillows. Adding new decorative pillows to your sofas or chairs can restore an updated look to your furniture and make the room feel inviting.

9. Candles. Candles should be used, and then replaced. I often see them melted down, or covered with dust. Better to either use them, or lose them.

10. Master Bedroom Bedding. If your bedroom has become a “master disaster,” it’s time to update your bedding. Even Bed-in-a-Bag options are fresh and add new color. And new sheets make sleeping a delight!

Most of the above items wear out quickly, need to be replaced regularly, and are quite affordable, yet many people don’t realize how dramatically they will improve their home environment. Make a big statement in your home with some minor purchases.

This is a great time of year to do a thorough closet clean out and augment what you have with a few updated items. It will lift your spirits and cause others to take notice.

Start by taking everything out of your closet and drawers. Next, get out the vacuum cleaner with the crevice nozzle attachment and do a thorough vacuuming of both your clothing drawers and closet. Wipe down any dust or dirt. Now you are ready to decide what to keep.

Quickly eliminate any clothes that don’t fit or are beyond repair. Try each piece of clothing on before placing it back into your closet and only keep the clothing items that fit, and make you feel good to wear. They also need to be currently fashionable and in good condition. Don’t waste valuable storage space on clothes you hope to fit into “someday”. They can mentally drag you down. It’s better to donate these items to someone who can really use them. You should be able to wear everything that is now in your closet and drawers.

When you are done purging, you may find that you don’t have many items left. Don’t let this discourage you, as you really only need a few great pieces that fit well and are interchangeable, rather than lots of mediocre pieces that are not flattering on you.

Next step is to organize your clothing by type and color. This will help you take inventory on what items are needed. Make a list of clothing to be replaced or added in order to fill out your wardrobe needs. If you need to buy a larger belt or pants size, so be it. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Just do it and move on. Be specific about your clothing needs by carefully thinking about your lifestyle and work environment. For example, Ladies, instead of just writing “black pants” on a list, write something like, “black, skinny-leg, cotton pants”. Men, you might list something like, “blue, wide collar, French-cuffed, dress shirt”. The more clearly you plan, the more likely you will have success in getting exactly what you want. This is especially effective for those of you who do not like to shop and don’t want to wander from store to store looking for something that just ‘speaks to you’. By being specific with the store clerks you are likely to find the needed items quickly. In the end, this is also the most economical way to get exactly the look you want each season.

Go though this same process with your shoes, handbags, belts, and other accessories. Don’t forget undergarments and outerwear. Things such as a simple cardigan sweater, a plain brown leather belt, or new socks can make all the difference in how your outfits are neatly pulled together. Now that you have your list in hand, you are ready to shop. Only shop for those clothing items you really need and avoid impulse buying.

Then, a couple times a year, you simply need to eliminate, replace and update what you have.

It is possible to look great every day, with any body type, on any budget. It just requires careful planning. You really can be “Your Best You” in how you present yourself to others.

Overwhelmed? Let Aura help you with this process. That’s what we’re here for! Make an appointment today.

Even though you can’t see it now, there will be an end to the pain and uncertainty for your future. And even beyond that, this period can be a blessing if you let it help you become a better you.

It is natural to feel like pulling away from others and to feel awkward in settings with people with which you used to socialize in your former relationship. Clients have told me that it’s easier and less painful to avoid social settings until “things are back to normal”. It’s scary to be vulnerable and it’s often easier to simply hibernate until “things blow over”.

You will have greater success, however, if you move into the pain and go through it, rather than retreating into self. As you squarely face and accept your situation, while reaching out to others, it actually helps you with the transition. This may seem counter-intuitive when you are battling your varied emotions and multiple decisions, and you may not feel like being social. But moving into social situations, new changes, and challenges can help you expedite the healing process.

Begin to look at the positive prospects for your future. Maybe now is the time to take a class or begin a hobby you have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time or support in a past relationship. Think of ways to give to others. Volunteer your time to someone who is in much greater pain or uncertainty than you, such as an isolated elderly person, a terminally ill friend, or a struggling teenager. By giving to others, it takes the focus off of you and your own pain. It also builds empathy for others, keeps you from becoming bitter or cynical, and even prepares you for a quality future relationship. If you are not currently on a physical exercise program, this is a great time to begin using daily exercise to deal with the stress, anger and frustration you may be experiencing. Find some inspiring new locations in which to walk or ride a bike. Plant something; a tree in your yard, an herb garden, or a new houseplant. New growth lifts your spirits. Finally, practice contentment by daily naming (and writing down) at least three things for which you are thankful. This will help you to recover from the Divorce Blues. There is an old saying that says, “Divorce can either make you bitter or better”. Choose to let it make you better!